The Weasleys Freckled Wonders of Reproduction
by Sushinase
Summary: A series of unfortunate events lets Albus Dumbledore nearly fall from his chair the morning after.rnWritten for the H.M.S. Overworked & Underappreciated, Golden Embers, and Orange Crush. (HrB!B, RWPP, HG)


** The Weasleys – Freckled Wonders Of Reproduction **

"This is absolutely horrifying!"

"Ron, wait! Listen! Ron!"

"No, Hermione," he shrieked while he ran away from the library, "I won't listen to you now, I won't stop running and I will certainly never ever look you in the eye again! And tell _him_ to never do that again, oh Merlin, my head, my eyes, my _AUUUGH!_"

With a red head he fled from her in as much of a dignified manner as he could. Which was not much, considering all his dignity was switched with embarassement the instant he realised why Hermione had kept flinching and squeaking and turning red all over when he had talked to her right now. And he certainly understood why her eyes had been so dilated. And he had thought that she had a fever.

_Go to Madam Pomfre_y, he had said and, _by the way, do you know where Blaise is? _ Oh Merlin, what an idiot he was.

But, how _could _they? And in the _library too!_ It was an outrage! She was the bloody _Head Girl _for bloody heaven's sake! And _he! He_ bloody was _Head Boy_! Now he would see .. _that_ in his mind everytime he thought of them, and seeing they were two of his three best friends that would be very often ... at least he still thought they were, oh goodness, what Harry would say.., but that was beside the point. The point was that they were _them _and therefore _asexual_ and shouldn't be doing things like _that _in the _BLOODY LIBRARY! _

And there Ron was, thinking all the time that he had been naughty! Well, Hermione surely wasn't as innoncent as he would have liked to believe,.. but of course he knew whom to blame.

"Evil Slytherin… corrupted her, that horrible, horrible evil-doer," Ron panted when he turned into the aisle leading towards the kitchens. He needed some peace and quiet to digest what he had seen and to burn the image out of his head. Forever.

So he continued racing through the castle, holding his head and muttering wildly – which made many people back away – until he was in front of the Room of Requirement. He rushed inside and threw the door shut, before he realised that he wasn't alone.

Well, this promised to become interesting. And it was _bound_ to take his mind off Hermione and her good-for-nothing-innocence-stealing-ill-deeds-doing-beau.

"Parkinson?"

Hermione stood in the corridor, after having decided that Ron was too fast for her with his long legs. She leaned her forehead at the wall and sighed deeply, trying to force the red from her face.

How could she, the _Head Girl_, for Merlin's sake, have done _that _in the library without thinking of the consequences!

What if someone _else_ had seen them?

Ron, she could handle.

He would calm down after a few hours and then ask her about the juicy details, but what if the sensitive Harry or a teacher had come to the deserted area of the library and seen ..? Hermione shuddered to think about it.

Of course it wasn't her fault alone.

'_No one will see us, Hermione,' _he had said with that husky voice of his, holding up his invisibility cloak. Ha! She should have known better.

Not that she hadn't _enjoyed _it, of course not, far from that. But being seen with the Head Boy's head under her skirt was not proper.

_Not_ in the library, _not_ in public, _not_ in front of people.

Of course _people_ was only Ron here.

But _still!_

Heaving another sigh she closed her eyes. The most annoying part was, however, that they hadn't been done and that she still felt.. well.. very very hot.

A smile tugged at her lips when she felt two arms snake around her waist and hot breath puffed against her neck.

"I trust we weren't done when Ron interrupted us?" he whispered into her ear making her knees shake, but just a little.

She turned around in his embrace and stared into a pair of dazzling blue eyes. Then she smirked. He really did rub off on her.

"No, I believe we weren't."

After which she was scooped up by the one and only Blaise Zabini who carried her to the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.

"Weasley." The snotty girl said curtly while filing her nails on the enormous _red _four-poster bed.

"What are you—"

"Doing here? I have no idea. One minute I'm sitting in our common room and the other one I'm in this _bed_ with _satin covers_ wearing _that_." She gestured at her body and it was only then that Ron noticed that she wasn't exactly wearing much, at least not enough for the season or enough to cover her stomach, or slim waist and, oh sweet Merlin, were that chains dangling from these minuscule things covering her breasts?

Ron blushed fiercly and grabbed blindly to his right, where he knew a robe was to find and threw it towards her.

She caught it deftly but made no move whatsoever to take it on, or cover herself up. "Oh I'm not cold, don't worry."

"Well, me neither, I can say that much," Ron muttered but when he saw the wicked grin on Parkinson's face he knew that she _knew_. And when she saw his shocked expression she knew that he knew that she knew. Which made her shake with silent laughter.

"It's not _that_ funny," he growled and turned to the door so she wouldn't be able to have another good look at his.. situation.

She batted her eyes at him and smirked.

"If you don't like to be laughed at, then leave, but I know where I am and now also I have a vague idea why I am here," she stood up with a graceful movement that made Ron's jaw slightly drop, "so you are free to go, but, really, I don't think you will."

Indeed, Ron could have just turned around and walked out of the room, yet, his feet seemed rooted to the spot.

He took the glass of water on his left (Room of Requirement my foot), when Pansy stalked towards him with her stilettos, making loud click-clack noises.

Ron's throat felt very dry all of a sudden.

They were red stilettos too. He gulped down the water with big eyes glued to those red shoes.

The glass just kept refilling itself but Ron continued drinking as it was. Not only because he was hot and dry,.. he needed to keep himself occupied because he didn't know what else he would do.

His hands and legs, however, seemed to know.

He only dimly noticed the glass shatter on the floor when his lips met Parkinson's in a steamy kiss.

"Any idea what we are supposed to do now?" Harry said with a shy voice as he helped Ginny pick up her books, pieces of parchment and quills that were scattered around them in the kitchen corridor. He hadn't run into her on purpose but he didn't have any fears to blame his subconcious for having a little thing to do with it.

She lifted her head and looked at him baffled. "What?"

He just pointed upwards and when her eyes followed his hand, her mouth dropped.

"Is it magical?"

"No idea, just one way to find out," Harry said and held his hand out. He pulled her up quickly and she nearly fell over, so, not to, she steadied herself on his chest, only natural.

And of course it was only natural that she felt electricity rush through her at their touch. Ginny shuddered.

She blushed and Harry didn't seem to notice but if he did he hid it very well.

"Now, go into the opposite direction that I'm going," he asked her with a soft voice and turned around.

Ginny did as she was asked and her lips turned upwards when she felt a wobbly barrier shield her away from the rest of the world.

"I bet it was Dumbledore's doing. Who else would hang up a magical mistletoe in the middle of a corridor!" Ginny said with an exasparated sigh (just for good measure) and turned to Harry. She was still blushing like mad though and his unbelievably green eyes didn't make her situation any better.

She knew of course, that mistletoes turned magical on their own, that those who did change were very rare and also, that they only enchanted themselves when two people with …_mutual strong positive feelings _met under one.

She coughed, thank Merlin she had paid attention that once in Herbology.

How had the lesson went on?

Oh right, the only way to lift the charm was a kiss.

Great.

With a pounding heart she watched as Harry slowly sidled towards her.

"I don't think Dumbledore knew that the mistletoe is magical, they're hard to detect. Of course it would be easy for him to find one, but I guess he didn't really care. Not that I'm complaining," Harry grinned, "not at all, quite the opposite actually. You know anything about magical mistletoes?"

Ginny nodded and a smile spread over her pink lips.

"So, do you know how to break the spell?"

And when Ginny nodded again, all Harry could think about was sealing his over her pink pink lips. Which he did. Promptly.

And if Ginny had known what was coming at her, she might have liked to prepare herself.

_Yet, it has something nice_, she thought, _being swept off your feet like that_.

There was a lot to be said about Blaise Zabini, Hermione found. Far more than anyone would had ever assumed.

Yet, she wouldn't start about how swept off her feet she had been ever since sixth year when he had been the only Slytherin to stay away from all the taunting Harry had had to endure.

Because it would have been a lie.

He had taunted and made fun of Harry _and _Ron _and _herself just as much as everyone in Malfoy's little group had.

And when Malfoy had left the school for Durmstrang after his mother was murdered, it had been Blaise who became the new group's leader. However, when the rumours about the circumstances of the murder had been confirmed Blaise had immediately backed out of the group.

He knew when to change sides. And he knew that the wrong side was with a megalomaniac who made people murder the wife of a loyal follower. And the more he thought about it the more he realised how wrong he had been from the very beginning.

Because, certainly, someone who had friends to laugh and have fun with and not friends who only got a buzz by nagging at each other, couldn't be that bad.

So he started following Harry, Ron and Hermione around.

And when he slowly gained their trust by the first small conversations in Potions, over the careless talks in the hallway, up to the long discussions in the library, he did not do it because he was thinking about sides, but because he wanted real friends.

Of course it wasn't easy. And of course he could have just made any other person a real friend, so why choose the most difficult people?

_Because_, he had reasoned with himself, _I want people as friends whom I can really rely to in any situation. And who hasn't heard about all the great things they have done for each other?_

And it was true, because really everyone knew what happened in first year when Harry was levitated into the hospital wing by a very old looking Dumbledore. And everyone knew how Harry saved that Ginny girl from some big monster in second year. And everyone knew how the three of them had run together from a werewolf in third year. And everyone knew how broken Harry was in fourth year when Ron was jelaous, and how they had invaded the Ministry in fifth year. And it was also obvious how close they were together.

Only a madman would try to intrude their sworn friendship and become a part of it.

Which Blaise Zabini was, of course.

So, naturally, the three had been suspicious, why shouldn't they have been, after all? He hadn't blamed them, he knew what it must have looked like.

Still, sometime near the end of sixth year they had accepted him. One year of persuasion. And he had _earned_ their trust.

Not only had he always been there to shed light on things they didn't understand – such as why Malfoy was the way he was.

Or been completely open about things – such as why he wanted to become their friend.

Or told them things no one else knew about him – such as the horrible situation his family was in.

Then, of course, there had been the _Veritaserum Incident_. Blaise grinned. They had been so obvious when they had poured the potion into his pumpkin juice. Not that he really minded, he had had a clean conscience.

Also sometime inbetween the gradually growing friendship he couldn't help but notice how much drawn he was to the female part of the trio.

It must have been the innocence you got to see so seldom in the Slytherin dungeons. Or maybe it was the loyal friendship to her friends, or the truth and grandeur and beauty that lay in her eyes. Or her sense of humour. And before he could help it he was completely smitten by one Hermione Granger. He didn't know where he would be now, hadn't she returned the feelings.

Blaise opened the door to the Room of Requirement with Hermione in his arms and smiled down at her with a gentleness in his eyes that he was sure, she had brought up.

And what did Hermione think about that all?

She loved Blaise dearly. How couldn't she? The guy was sweet, intelligent, funny, sure he also was a bit dorky at times but overall a challenge for her in all departments.

_And_, she mused, _he's got quite a fine arse, that Blaise Zabini. _

However, all thoughts about Blaise's nice behind vanished at the sight of Ron's amazingly freckled back.

"Oh Merlin," Blaise groaned and closed his eyes.

"We're even now!" Hermione shrieked before she was dropped by Blaise and fled from the room with him in tow.

"Did you hear that?" Ron's head snapped up with a frown.

"No, and now shut up," Pansy mewled and pulled his face down again.

"Oh Merlin, poke my eyes out will you?" Hermione wailed clutching her head.

"Only if you memory charm me before that," Blaise groaned and rubbed his eyes.

They looked at each other and laughed.

Blaise slung an arm around Hermione's small shoulders and they walked around aimlessly for some while.

"Did you see the stilettos?" He then asked her with a sly smile.

"No, I wonder who's got such good taste.. although everyone knows Ron goes for anything red..," she took a glance at him. "You know whom they belong to."

Blaise's smile grew.

"Ooooh! Tell me!" Hermione jumped up and down excitedly next to him.

"Only if you promise to go to the kitchen with me."

"You can eat?" She asked with an incredulous stare. "With that horribly freckled back in your mind?"

Blaise smiled at her. "I have an unsattiable hunger, you should know. Now, come to the kitchen with me?"

"Whatever! Spill!"

"Why don't you guess?"

"Because you'll tell me anyway, you're dying to as it is."

"How well you know me.."

"That's what you'll have to live with I guess," Hermione grinned a beatific smile up at him.

Blaise leaned down and whispered the name into her ear.

Hermione let out a wheezy yell of shock before she tried to make a hole in the wall with her head.

Blaise gently caught her shoulders and held the temporary brain damaged Hermione tightly.

"I guess it's better we go to the kitchen now and get you a nice hot chocolate," Blaise murmured.

"Wow," was the only thing Ginny managed when Harry let go of her.

"Wow," he mimicked and held her closely. He gulped. "We should, you know.."

"Of course, I mean, but only if you, I mean.."

"Yeah, definetely, how couldn't I? I—"

"Just tickle the bloody pear Harry," Ginny growled huskily and pushed him forcefully into the painting.

With big round eyes Harry rubbed the back of his hand against the green piece of fruit and fell through the hole shortly after that, with Ginny on top of him, while the paiting glid shut again.

"Watch out! Teenagers on Hormones!" the houselves squeaked and then ran away.

But Harry and Ginny didn't take notice of that anylonger because they were in their own little world. And when Harry put Ginny on the table because the floor was so damn uncomfortable for snogging he felt as if he was flying. And when Ginny made that funny mewling sound again Harry knew he _was _flying.

Her mouth was very sweet and soft and she was so demanding! _Quite the aggressor_, he decided, when she slid her tongue against his lips and he quickly opened his mouth to grant her entrance. He found he liked her mouth even more when it was open. Also, she tasted good.

He dimly remembered they'd had strawberries with chocolate sauce for dinner and that settled it. From then on he'd always think of desserts when kissing Ginny, which had to be the most wonderful feeling ever.

Yet, he was getting short of breath, which was really regretful because that meant he'd have to pull away from those wonderfully delicious lips.

Ginny pushed her mouth hard against Harry's and felt him move above her. She felt as if she were in Heaven, because Harry's mouth and kissing skills – wherever he had attained them – made her mind fly away. So when Harry lifted his head and took some deep gulps of air she pulled him down again immediately, as, surely, no one could ask her to stay away from those wonderful wonderful lips for too longl.

Harry never knew his glasses could steam up like that.

Which was before everything turned black around him.

Meanwhile Blaise stirred Hermione slowly towards the kitchen and tickled the pear.

"Everything will be alright, don't worry, we'll have some nice hot chocolate and then I'll tuck you in," he said in his most comforting manner.

He stroke her arms gently when the portrait slid open and they both stepped inside.

"Oh Merlin, not again!" He shouted when he saw Ginny bent over Harry who seemed to be quite in oblivion.

Those horrible Weasleys! Couldn't they ever think of anything else to do?

They _had_ to be weasles mixed with rabbits and judging by their temper and lack of table-manners they also had a bit of hogs in them. Horrible creatures, with a horrible one track mind these horrible Weasleys were.

Grabbing Hermione he pushed her out in front of him to safe her from any more harm when Ginny shrieked loudly.

"No wait! Oh Merlin, help!"

Curiously Blaise turned over.

"What?"

"Help me! I think Harry fainted or something!" Ginny shrieked again in a panicked voice.

"You're kidding," Blaise muttered, but when he bent over the black-haired wizard he indeed seemed to be out cold.

Blaise, surprisingly, felt like cackling with glee.

"Don't just stand there as if he's an animal from the zoo! Do something!" Ginny hollered and nearly hyperventilated at the sight of a limp Harry-body.

Blaise stayed completely calm and Hermione next to him had glassy eyes and was muttering to herself in a distant voice. Concernedly he shook his head but turned his attention back to Harry.

"Now why did he faint anyway?" Blaise pondered and looked up at Ginny's smeared mouth and the pink spots around and on Harry's lips, and jaw, .. and neck.

An evil smile crept up Blaise's face.

"You vixen..," Blaise shook with mirth, "that's priceless.. Voldemort and his minions Harry can conquer but when a girl kisses him he nearly drops dead," a guffaw escaped Blaise's mouth which made Hermione snap back into reality. "I can't believe it!"

"It's _not_ funny!" Ginny shrieked again. "Do something! We can't just stand here and .. and.."

"Goggle his very kissable mouth?"

"That too, I mean, no! I'm used to an active Harry who hops around like a very handsome and sugar-high rabbit that blasts Death-Eaters away with a single handwave! This mass of snoring rubbery goo here just isn't on!"

"You're right, he _does_ look a bit like that time Lockhart made his bones vanish," Blaise added thoughtfully.

"Just _do_ something and stop making this whole situation ridiculous!"

"I hope you realize that the situation is ridiculous as it is, no matter how I behave," Blaise said calmly.

"Hermione!" Ginny whined and the brown haired girl sighed.

"_Ennervarte!_"

Harry opened his eyes and stayed lying dizzily on the table. He blinked.

"The bunnies with the pancakes on their head are attacking me!" He shrieked wildly and jumped up to race around the kitchen, randomly blasting things away with his wand.

"I liked him better as a rubbery mass of goo," Blaise stated.

Red, Pansy Parkinson found out, could make a certain ginger-haired wizard do nearly anything for you.. that and the right shoes.

"I'm really hungry now, you know," Ron said with his arm slung around Pansy who smirked up at him.

"I can immagine, my tall and wonderful rescuer."

"Rescuer?"

"You saved me from being Theo's token of addoration.."

"How's that?"

"You glare at him constantly. He's afraid."

"I do _not_ glare at random people."

"Ah, you see, Theo isn't random, he's a very evil mysterious Slytherin."

"I think you like him too much."

"Really, do you?"

"You called him very and mysterious. I connect these two words with something positive."

"Did I mention he's fat and a pervert?"

"Well, that's okay then, I guess."

"You should."

"So, can you be my token of adoration?"

"I can be much more if you want to."

"I like the sound of that," he said and scooted over to her. Then he frowned. "Will I have to buy something for you for Christmas now?"

"I'm shocked that you didn't get something already."

"Until before one hour I didn't even know that I like you."

"You like me?"

"I believe that actions speak for themselves."

She couldn't stop smirking. "Very true. But, thanks, no. I'm not a materalistic sort of girl."

He guffawed. "Excuse me? You're Pansy Parkinson the 'I'm A Material Girl' Queen of Slytherin who wears the most expensive robes and has the most expensive stuff in the whole of Hogwarts!"

She shoved him out of bed and he hit his head on a post.

"Ouch!"

"Serves you right, you big cheeseball. Get to know me before making assumptions like that," she huffed and crossed her arms.

"Oh don't be like that, I swear I want to get to know you better." He crawled onto the bed again and kissed her soft cheek. "How about we go to the kitchens and have a long talk."

She turned around.

"Or two?"

"As many as you want to," he purred and added, "but please, wear something decent now."

Harry had calmed down again.

That was Ginny's version of the situation.

Harry was quite satisfied with that version, for she had made him shut up in a way that he always should be shut up with.

"Do you think they realise we're still here?"

"I don't think they care," Hermione muttered, staring at the Boy Who Lived To Conquer The Snogmonster.

"Do you think we should leave the kitchen now?"

"Yes."

So they moved to the portrait which slid open at that exact moment.

"I can do magic without a wand!" Blaise said awed before the portrait slid open properly and Ron and Pansy stood inside the frame.

Hermione started twiching violently next to Blaise who sigehd whereas Ginny continued to sno gHarry mercilessly who, however, obviously had nohing against it while Pansy shrieked and hid behind Ron whose vein seemed to pop soon.

"Oi, Potter! What are you doing on my sister?" Ron bellowed.

Professor Dumbledore nearly fell off his high-chair at breakfast the next morning when Ron Weasley entered the Great Hall with a bandaged nose and a blue eye, Pansy Parkinson's red stilettos click-clacked to the Gryffindor table, Harry Potter limped inside, Ginny Weasley's mouth was even pinker than usual, Hermione Granger for once was not staring at a book or Mister Zabini but off into space and the previously mentioned wore an actual mood on his usually calm face.

_Finite Incantatem_


End file.
